i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
