she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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