i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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