She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
