I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize