very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
