I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
