I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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