I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize