flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
