Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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