you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
