Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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