EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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