all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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