Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
