After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize