You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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