i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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