My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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