just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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