just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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