i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
