I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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