i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
