Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
