he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
