It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
