fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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