And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
