What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
