Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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