There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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