one two three fourrrrnication!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
