How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
