I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
