im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
