Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
