i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
