I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
