Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think your dad took our porno
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
These tits shall not be calmed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
