Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
