I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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