Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
