Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Enjoy the penises
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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