So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
