Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
