ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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