Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize