Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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