so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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