Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
