She is in my trunk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
