I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
