I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
