Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
