It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
