You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
