Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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