he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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