it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
