If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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