She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize