I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
