I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
