I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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