YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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