you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
