win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
