I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
