somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
