one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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