wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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