dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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