we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
