Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
