3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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