I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
