Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize