i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just puked most of my soul out..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
