You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
