idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
