Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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