dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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