Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh god it's open bar.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
