I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
