I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize