i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
