Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm having to shit out rocks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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