Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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