She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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