Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
