I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
