I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
