Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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