there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
